Thursday, July 15, 2010

People Pleaser

One of my personality traits is that I am a people pleaser. I try to fix things. I hate it when there is discord or tension.

I will often try to "fix" the problem, even at the expense of my own happiness. When someone is upset, I swoop in, and bend over backwards to relieve any tension.

Its really tough for me to realize and remember that I can't always fix things. And that I shouldn't always have to be the one to make things better.

I lose sleep over things that I have no control over. I mull it over all day, thinking up various solutions or even trying to come up with reasons for why there is unhappiness in the first place.

I'm trying to keep reminding myself that I can't always make everyone happy and that I shouldn't have to take the weight of it all upon my shoulders.

Sometimes other people's issues just can't be my issues.

I'm learning, but trying to shut off a part of my personality is like trying to remove a limb. I can't seperate myself from this trait just like I can't just remove an arm or a leg.

I can't do it all. I wish I could, but I know I can't be the one to carry the burden for everyone.

I've done what I can for now. The rest isn't up to me.


Writer Mom said...

I so hear you on this topic. I think the important thing to remember is that changing any part of your personality is hard work, and takes many years to really see the progress you have made.

Don't beat yourself up. Awareness is the first step, and then slowly, slowly, slowly you will see changes in how much emotional investment you take on that actually belongs to others.

You are so right when you say you can't do it all, and you shouldn't do it all, as every person is responsible for their own issues and reactions. You are only responsible for yours.

Hang in there, friend. You are wonderful, and I love you.

CanadianMama said...

And this is why you are so wonderful to be around! I don't think you should get rid of this quality but I do think it's great you are working towards being more realistic and not taking ownership for other's issues.

I hear you - you are great!!

Karyn said...

I can so relate to this!

Don't lose the compassion and the love that make you who you are - but it is important to know when to step away.

Faith in the power of prayer helps in this aspect - when you feel weighed down by someone else's burdens that you cannot change, you can always pray. When you can lay it at the Father's feet, you are able to keep the care and compassion without carrying the burden.

Don't shut off the caring but do notice if you are trying to control things.....and lay that down.

I'm speaking from experience here - I, too, want to fix everyone's problems....but sometimes, that desire stems as much from wanting to control things as it does from caring about them. For me, anyway.

Raelene said...

I completely understand how you feel. I'm the same way.