Friday, July 16, 2010

Control Freak

This is an update to my post yesterday.

Yesterday I had a tough day. It seemed like one thing after another was going wrong and I was losing control.

Yes, that's right. Control.

After talking to a friend about my feelings and then getting a comment on yesterday's post from my aunt, I sat and really thought through why I always feel a need to "fix" things.

I'm a control freak. My sisters, parents, husband, and friends will all likely agree. I am the oldest child, I'm bossy, I like to have things my way. Even when it comes to small things such as cleaning, it has to be my way.

When our oldest son was a baby, I had a hard time relinquishing control to Chris. I preferred to bath, change, dress and feed Luca because no one could do it as well as I could. No one else did it "just so". I did get better at letting him do things, it just took time.

I'm anal about many other things. Things that don't bother other people. My kids MUST eat and drink at the table - not anywhere else in the house. Toys belong in the toy room, not the kitchen.

I'm a book lover and spines must not be cracked, pages can not be bent or dog eared. My most loved books still look brand new. Many people won't borrow books from me because it is too much hassle to ensure that they stay in their pristine state. That's fine by me.

I don't like amusment rides, boats or airplanes because I am not in control. It has taken me many years to not freak out when Chris was driving, because, you guessed it- I am not in control.

I realized yesterday that my need to always fix things puts me in control of the situation. Not being in control is frightening and foreign to me. I don't know what to do when I am not in charge. I have a hard time letting someone else make decisions and leaving the "ball in someone else's court".

Its not a bad thing that I like everyone to be happy and do my best to make it that way, but as my aunt said in her post, its bad when I'm doing it to control the situation.

(I just have to point out here that my aunt is the oldest of 4 children, and a teacher like me. We have a lot in common, perhaps that's why we both struggle with letting go of control?)

Being aware of an issue is the first step to making a change. I'm trying to not panic when I'm not in control. Is not going to be easy, but I'm going to *try* to step back out of the spotlight and let someone else stand there for a bit.


Writer Mom said...

Some great insights here. Helpful for me as well, since I have a control freak personality too.

Trying to tame that beast takes a lifetime, but it's worth it. Good for you for recognizing all of this and attempting to move forward to improve it, which isn't easy, but will show real personal growth in a few years time if you are patient. xoxoxoxo

Karyn said...

The first step to change is the humility to be transparent with yourself. I'm proud of you for recognising these things about your personality. (And for the record, I have never thought of you as a control freak....maybe you're too much like me for me to lable you in that way...LOL)

I know you (anyone) wants to see change quickly. Don't get discouraged that it takes time because you have to make the choice to relinquish control many times before you find you've not even taken the controls into your hands this time. It'll happen - because you are honest with yourself.

And don't stop wanting to make things nice.... help others.... have a pretty.... well kept home.... keep people safe and happy.... make your friends and family feel loved and cared for....etc. You do and are all these things and you will continue to be the same beautiful person - even without being in control.

BTW....For your own sake, don't ever lend me a book! To me, if my books are dogeared and look 'used' it means they are well loved. If there is a phone number or a note scribbled into the cover - that is a bit of 'history'. :) That doesn't mean I don't take care of them, just that I'd rather feel free to throw my book in my purse or read it at the table than have it remain in a 'like new' state. LOL

Oh dear, I do tend to get 'wordy', don't I? I'll quit talking now and let someone else have something to say. Love you, Jani

Karyn said... the third paragraph (above) it should say "a pretty, well kept home"

Punctuation is everything. :)

Joy said...

Hi Jan, it's Raelene...I just changed my blog, so you know :)

BabyHickey said...

I think there is a little control freakness in every mom... You are amazing none the less...