For the past month or so, I have been struggling with why I doula. Should I continue? Is it something that I should do?
These doubts came up because it seemed that I wasn't getting clients when fellow doulas were getting them in droves. Clients that I met with that I thought had made a connection with me hired others. After a few of these situations, it really took a toll on me and I started to doubt myself and question my choice.
Then I attended the birth of a wonderful friend. Being there for the first breaths of a new life reminded me why I love what I do and why I am going to trudge through the tough times to get to the busy times.
Even still though, there was a niggling voice that came up every now and then that made me doubt myself. You see, the most recent birth that I attended was very fast and I wasn't allowed in the room until the mama was admitted, which was also at the pushing stage.
I was so frustrated and felt like I had let my cleint and friend down by not being there while she went through hard labour (no fault of my own- hospital policy. I was, in fact, waiting outside the doors to the L&D unit). Even after her affirmations that hiring me was worth it, I still wondered "was it really? Did I really do anything that she couldn't have done without me?"
Then this evening, I am told to read this post.
Go there now....
I cried. It did my heart good.
I am a doula because I want to be. Because there is nothing in this world like welcoming a new baby into the world. I will get through this slow period and my day will come that I am as busy as my cohorts.
I am a doula and I love it with every fibre in me.