Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Why I doula

For the past month or so, I have been struggling with why I doula. Should I continue? Is it something that I should do?

These doubts came up because it seemed that I wasn't getting clients when fellow doulas were getting them in droves. Clients that I met with that I thought had made a connection with me hired others. After a few of these situations, it really took a toll on me and I started to doubt myself and question my choice.

Then I attended the birth of a wonderful friend. Being there for the first breaths of a new life reminded me why I love what I do and why I am going to trudge through the tough times to get to the busy times.

Even still though, there was a niggling voice that came up every now and then that made me doubt myself. You see, the most recent birth that I attended was very fast and I wasn't allowed in the room until the mama was admitted, which was also at the pushing stage.

I was so frustrated and felt like I had let my cleint and friend down by not being there while she went through hard labour (no fault of my own- hospital policy. I was, in fact, waiting outside the doors to the L&D unit). Even after her affirmations that hiring me was worth it, I still wondered "was it really? Did I really do anything that she couldn't have done without me?"

Then this evening, I am told to read this post.

Go there now....

I cried. It did my heart good.

I am a doula because I want to be. Because there is nothing in this world like welcoming a new baby into the world. I will get through this slow period and my day will come that I am as busy as my cohorts.

I am a doula and I love it with every fibre in me.

5 comments:

Writer Mom said...

Great post - honest and true. It's always hard to start out doing something new. There is a period of time where you worry that it won't take off, and then, if you love it as much as you love being a doula, it does.

I think this period of waiting and worrying will help you as a doula, even though it sucks badly at the time. Hang in there, friend. You were born to do this job, and you are exceptional at it.

The Tompkins Family said...

You are amazing.

Amy said...

I think you would be a wonderful doula. And I hope you remember why you are one... because you love to help women bring babies into this world... once, twice, a million times, you do it because you love to.
Keep your chin up, the people will come!

CanadianMama said...

I want you to know I didn't write those things because I wanted to make you feel better (that was just an added bonus). I wrote them because they are true. I don't know how I will ever repay you for the support you provided to myself and my family. I'm a lucky woman indeed to have you as a friend and to have had you as a doula!

Naama said...

That is amazing!