Today's bathroom pictures

A HUGE thanks to Pat, Dan and Andi for helping out with the tiling today. Most of it got finished and it looks great!

A few small areas left to tile and then the floor!

Post - Surgery update

I forgot to post about this last week (gee, I wonder why it slipped my mind?!) so I will just do ao quick update on what is going on with me, health wise.

I saw the surgeon for a follow up and complained that I was still experiencing quite a bit of pain to which he relplied that it couldn't be my gallbladder because I don't have one anymore. Uh, duh!

He said that often gall bladder is the first assumption when patients complain of pain in that area but that there are two other main issues that can mimic the same symptoms - acid reflux and Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). I have had problems with reflux in the past and this feels different but Dr. M explained that the way it presents itself can change.

I also have some symptoms of IBS as well. To make a diagnosis, it is basically just a process of elimination, starting with the gallbladder. Which, by the way, was a problem as an ultrasound did show a stone and the pathology did show irritation of the gall bladder, BUT it was likely not the primary cause of the pain. It would have caused me grief at some point, and I would have had it removed in the future anyway so the surgery was not completely pointless.

So, I am on a course of Losec for 6 weeks to see if it helps with the pain. If it does, then we can assume that the issue was acid reflux. If not, then IBS will be the culprit.

IBS is treated through lifestyle and diet but the dietary triggers are different for everyone so determining what foods to avoid has to be done on an individual basis. Oh ya, and stress is a contributor. Cuz I have none of that right now......

Bathroom Update

I didn't get to posting pictures yesterday so I will start with those:

The boys think that a great big hole in the wall is a fantastic new playplace!

Here I am scrubbing the shower pan. Pretty much my only contribution to the reno...except for helping to choose tile and paint!

Loki is not sure what to make of all the upheaval!

Luca trying to help put some random screws into the wall.

When a screw driver doesn't work, just hammer it in!

Today's pics:

The floor after the mold being sprayed with bleach. The bleach did a good job, I'd say!

The shower pan went in and the backer board went up.

Backer board is up and mortared (not sure if that is a word or not, but I'm declaring it one!)

Chris will get the drywall up, mudded and taped as well as the sub floor in this week so we can be ready for tile next weekend.

Out of the mouths of babes.....

Luca (whilst chasing Levi):

"I'm gonna get you and fart in your nose!"

Me to Chris:

"Did he just say he was going to fart in Levi's nose?"

Chris:

"Haha, yep, I just told him I was going to do that to him. "


Oh geez. Why do I have to live in a house full of boys?!?!

A hot date!

I had a hot date today with my biggest little man. What a nice day it was!

I rarely get to spend time with just one of my boys.

Luca had swimming lessons this morning so I took him there. He did really well and is starting to let me get a bit farther away from him and he even let the instructor take him for a swim today. Progress! He loves to swim and loves going to the pool but likes us to be close by.

We then went for a Mommy-son lunch at Boston Pizza where we dined on bugs and cheese (him) and spicy perogy pizza (me). We had a nice lunch, just the two of us.

Then we were off to the city to do a bit of shopping at Costco and Toys R Us. Costco was pretty uneventful; just groceries and a few household items. We headed to Toys R Us so that Luca could pick out a present for Levi from him. This concept seemed to be a bit lost on Luca as he wanted everything that we looked at and wanted it for him, right now. We finally settled on a gift for Levi (with some prompting from me) that I assured Luca could be shared with him when they play NICELY together.

On our way home we stopped and got milkshakes. Luca took one sip and declared that he wasn't tired (through a big yawn) and promptly fell asleep. It was a pretty quiet ride home except for the soft snores coming from the backseat.

We had a great day and I love to spend special time with my boys one on one!

A great end to a crappy week

Today was a lovely day!

It started this morning with my darling hubby letting me sleep in - all the way til 830! When you have toddlers, you know that this is a blessing!

Then, I got a surprise call from my favorite girl in the world, Dee. She has been gone since last Friday to Saskatchewan to meet her brand new niece Rowaen and to help her sister out a bit. This week has been tough (as you are well aware if you've been reading) and I didn't have her here to vent to and to distract me from the frustrations. So, a call from her at 9:30 this morning was just what I needed to start my day off right. Can't wait for her to get home on Sunday! When you live 17 houses apart and have been besties for 10 years, a week seems like ages when you are seperated! We had her husband Layne for dinner last night and I really missed her then - its not often we have Layne without Dee!

Then we were off to a playdate with this lady and her son, who was born the same day as Levi! Our boys are birthday buddies! We had a great visit and did a clothing swap. So fun!

I've been working hard (mostly!) to get into shape since the spring and as a result have had a bunch of clothes that no longer fit me. Yay! I cleaned out my closet last week and got rid of SO MUCH stuff. I offered any of my friends a chance to look through my giveaways and take what they wanted. Today my friend and I swapped our unwanted clothes. I came home with a few "new to me" sweaters, tshirts and pants. I love new clothes, even if they aren't "new".

Then after feeding the boys lunch and putting them down for a nap and quiet time, I was off for a girls' afternoon to the Spruce Meadows Christmas Market with my friend Erica and her little pumpkin Olivia. (Chris stayed home with our boys.) We had a great time visiting and checking out all the vendors and their products.

I got a few Christmas decorations and a few other treats as well. Here are some photos of my purchases:

I'm such a sucker for all things Saskatoon flavoured. I tried both of these ciders and loved them and had to have them. I am not a coffee drinker (I just can't learn to like it) but love warm drinks so this is what I will be drinking this winter! I'm actually sipping a cup of the raspberry one right now. Delish!

Mmmmmm, fudge! I got the mint one for Chris, the coconut for myself and the Rootbeer one becasue it was free and I thought it would be fun to try. And its yummy! Tastes just like a rootbeer float!

I just love this. Its a bit too "country" for Chris' taste but I think it is just so beautiful and homey. I can't wait to find a home for it. Also, it was a steal of a deal at only $15! Its big, heavy and handmade by the vendor. My favorite purchase of the day.

I thought that this metal bow/bell would look perfect on our door to the basement. I love the vintage-y look of it.

Chris and I actually got this adorable little guy last week when we were at HomeSense. It is made completely of bark that has been somehow shaped into this figure. Again, a bit "country-ish" for Chris but I thought it was too cute to pass up.

I love Christmas and I love decorating. We've slowly been acquiring Christmas decorations over the years that we can call our own. I'm looking forward to maybe finally this year having my "fancy tree" in the foyer/ formal living room as well as our real family tree in the living room. And by real, I mean not artificial, not real family. LOL

Traditionally I don't begin Christmas decorating til after my birthday on December 1st, but this year I am getting into the spirit of things a bit earlier and am slowly putting things out. Usually the transformation occurs closer to mid-December after we get our tree from the tree lot.

Watch for more pictures as I slowly begin to transform our house into our Christmas wonderland! :)

Bathroom progress

A bit of progress today. This morning Chris had to return a few things that he had bought in anticipation of needing it, but discovered that we didn't need to do a few repairs that we thought we did. He took down the last of the tile and pulled out the rest of the floor.

Next is to finish cleaning all the silicone residue off the shower pan and edge of the tub, finish the poly on the walls, put up the cement backer board and the subfloor. Then we will be ready to tile. I think.

We've got Chris' parents coming next weekend to help with the tiling so I guess I've got another week or so of being without a bedroom. Oh well. I'm actually not sleeping as poorly as I thought I would downstairs.

The poly up on the exterior walls

Floor out and my recently installed wallpaper down. :(

Boy, do Iwish I had a toilet beside my bed in those last months of pregnancy!

This used to be our bedroom. Now it is a garbage pile.

Addict!!!!

Hello, my name is Janice and I have recently become an addict of blog hopping.
Many blogs have a list of blogs that they visit along the side of their page.
I go to a blog (I usually start at a blog that I frequent already) and choose a link from the list of blogs and just continue to do that on each page that I go to. It is amazing the stories that you can read from people from all walks of life, in different corners of the world!
It has been my latest obsession when I am procrastinating doing something else.

Go ahead, give it a try! You might become addicted to reading about the lives of strangers as well! Funny thing is, the more you read, the less they feel like strangers. You begin to feel like you actually "know" these people.

I have to admit that I am one of those people that look into the windows of people's homes when I drive by. Blog hopping is the same thing! A glimpse into some stranger's thoughts and life.

I'm a peeper!!!

Catch 22

Not really any progress on the bathroom to report today as Chris was home alone with the boys. I got called into work (which is a good thing, financially!) so unfortunately Chris couldn't get anything done on the bathroom.

We need the money to do the bathroom but Chris can't do the bathroom when I am at work. Here are a few pictures of the bathroom after all the moldy subfloor was taken out:





But, one of the main reasons that he took this week off specifically was that Dee is away this week so we thought that if Chris was home then I wouldn't have to turn down any work due to lack of childcare. So, the good news is that I worked 2 full days this week and don't have to pay for childcare so that means that there is more going toward the bathroom repairs. Plus, I have a day and a half booked for next week already as well.

On another note, most of my Christmas prep is done! I have 3 gifts that I am still working on (they are ones that I am making) and have to pick up a few things that have been ordered or I have something in mind that I have to go get. Yay! Now I get to wrap them all, which is one of my favorite things to do!

Chris and the boys went and got haircuts yesterday. Luca loves to get colored gel when we go into the Chop Shop. This time Levi noticed and wanted some too. Here are pictures of our little monkeys with their red spikeys!

Good news and Bad news

The good news is that the tub doesn't have to come out afterall. There does not appear to be any mold behind our under it. Yay!

The bad news is that the floor is very rotten and moldy. We knew that this was quite possible, but were still surprised at the extent of the damage. The whole bathroom subfloor will have to come up and we will be replacing the floor now as well. Our bedroom floor will still have to wait. Chris has taken out a chunk of the carpet that was a bit moldy and the rest seems to be ok for now.

More pictures:

Hard to be positive

I know that there are so many others out there that are going thorough unimaginably worse things than a forced bathroom reno, but I am just having a really tough time not being super crabby and negative.

A few days ago things were great- almost all of our Christmas shopping is completed (except for a few of the gifts I am making), and I was starting to feel ok about our amount in the bank. I have worked a decent amount already this month and Chris has 3 paycheques in December. I was feeling pretty good about being on top of things.

Christmas is always a tough time financially, even if you try to be frugal (NOT cheap) and make many gifts (like I am this year). There are always hidden expenses and some not so hidden expenses that make a dent in the savings.

I've been stressed about money for a while (really, who isn't?). In the summer Chris had to take a salary rollback due to the economy and its effect on the company. We haven't really seen much effect yet because Chris' CPP contributions max out in June, but come January he will have to be contributing to CPP again. That is when we will notice the decrease in pay quite a bit.

And because the school board WAY over hired for substitute teachers as part of their H1N1 pandemic plan, I am lucky to get a day or 2 a week. Which isn't awful, I am still making some money AND get to be home with the boys most of the time, but financially its not so great.

So, now that it looks like we have to dip into our money pot again to do the bathroom, I am stressed all over again.

Also today a light burnt out and sparked. Not a big deal, I know, but it was just one more thing. Plus, it startled me. Then when I was cooking supper I couldn't get the oven to turn off. We have a digital oven with a touch-pad of sorts for the controls. And it wouldn't work. I called Chris to come take a look and he touched it and it turned off.

This was enough to put me into tears. All the tension and stress of the day had just built up and I needed the release of tears. I can't say I feel much better, but I know that there isn't much we can do.

The mold HAS to go. And we can't leave the bathroom as it is. So, we have to cough over the money to have it done. Sigh.

We might be eating Kraft Dinner for Christmas this year.

Ok, just kidding, we aren't even going to be having dinner here so I can save the KD for another day!

But, the Christmas gifts for Chris and I this year might be a new shower. Yay! Just what I asked Santa for!

Oh well, it could be worse. I know that. I'm just having a tough time remembering it.

From Bad to Worse

The tiles came down today. What we thought (hoped) was a problem with the shower seems to have seeped behind the tub as well. So, the tub will most likely be coming out, rebuilt and put back in.


Also, there is quite extensive mold behind almost all the tile and possibly into the floor.


We can't afford to replace our floor at this point so I'm not sure if we will be in a bedroom with a plywood floor until we can afford new flooring or what.


It seems every time I went in to check with Chris on the progress he had more bad news. So I stopped going to ask.


To top things off, we can't sleep in our room because of the mold. So, we are back to sleeping on our old, miserable bed in the basement. I guess after this is all done I will appreciate my new bathroom and new bed even more.


Here are some pictures of Day 1 of the forced bathroom reno:

Before


You can see the mold that had built up behind the tile
water damage behind the tile into our bedroom wall



The wall torn apart - this is where we first saw some of the extent of the damage.

Leaky Shower Blues

I love our ensuite bathroom. I really do. It is one of the things that really sold me on our house (except for the amazing views through ginormous windows and my curved staircase - I love that!). It has a stand up shower, a seperate jetted tub (my favorite!) and a HUGE mirror and vanity.

BUT, since we have lived here (2.5 years) we have had issues with our shower. It is tiled floor to almost ceiling and we have had problems with little leaks. They have all been repaired by my wonderful husband, who has spent many hours chipping out the old grout, re-grouting and re-sealing. Each time the leak has stopped. Problem solved.

But, a few days ago we noticed that the carpet OUTSIDE the bathroom was damp and upon further inspection we also noticed that the baseboards were a bit bowed and our dresser had water damage along the bottom. Crap! There was no moisture IN the bathroom.

We knew this was bad news. Obviously there was a leak inside the wall somewhere. Sigh.

So, today while I was at work, Chris cut holes in our recently painted bedroom wall to check it out. Kinda worked out well that Chris is using up some of his holiday days this week! What he found was disappointing but not totally unexpected. The wall had mold inside it and obvious signs of water damage. Crap again! No obvious point of water entry though, which leads us to believe that it is leaking from the wall that is against the exterior of the house and seeping around. Crap, crap, crap!

The shower is coming down. All the tile is coming off. This wouldn't be a huge issue except that the tile continues from inside the shower, around to the back of and surrounding the tub. Basically one whole wall of our bathroom is tile. To the tune of about 100- 110 square feet. Ugh.

This evening we went to Home Depot (if only they saw this plug as an ad and gave us free tile! Wouldn't that be great!?) and looked at a few choices and priced them out. The tile we chose is actually relatively inexpensive ($2 per 12 x 12 tile) but the accent pieces are not too cheap ($7 for a 3 x 12 piece). We really like the accent piece even though it is pricey. The tile I think we are going to go with is beige so we need the accent tiles to break up the monotony.

If we didn't have to pay for everything else involved, it wouldn't be too bad, price-wise. But, the cost of the concrete back board (or whatever the heck it is), the mortar, grout, sealant, etc all adds up. Not to mention the drywall and paint to repair the wall that was cut apart.

Guess I should have bought that lottery ticket after all.......

I will post progress of the bathroom reno as it happens!

Shoulda bought a lottery ticket!

Ok, well not really because obviously my odds of winning on this blog are better than winning the lottery but seriously, how lucky am I???

I won again! This time the scrapbooking package! The two giveaways I really liked and wanted to win one of, I won BOTH of!

A huge thank you to my friend Canadian Mama (she does have a real name but wants to remain anonymous to the blogging world) and Leanne, who I have not yet met but will soon when we do our photo shoot!

Yippeeee!!!

I won!!!!

I am sooooo excited! I won the family photo shoot from my friend's giveaway!!!!

I am so excited to see the photos that Leanne shoots for us! Maybe we'll have a fantastic Christmas card this year!

Thanks Canadian Mama and Leanne!!!!

Another great giveaway!

I've been getting into scrapbooking now as well as card making. I have been doing cards for a while but scrapbooking seemed a bit daunting. I have been slowly getting my feet wet into the world of scrapbooking, so I'd love to win this!

Thanks to my friend 'L' at Just Another Mom Blog for having a week of awesome giveaways! Now, I better win something! :)

I want to win family photos!

My friend's site (as I mentioned in yesterday's post) has an awesome giveaway today! A photographer Leanne from Calgary is offering free family photos to the winner and I want to win them!!!

Check out both sites, but don't enter cuz it will make my chances of winning less! LOL

Giveaways!

Check out my friend's new blog here. She's doing a week of giveaways to kick off her new site! Check it out!

Trick or Treat!

The boys had a great time trick or treating! Luca really understood this year what it was all about and was really excited to get dressed up and go out. Levi, always wanting to be like his big brother, was so cute toddling after him up to the door. After the first house he decided that was enough and just wanted to sit and eat his candy! Once the candy was gone, he was out of the stroller and up to the next house to get more!

Both boys were super cute in their Crocodlie and Sock Monkey costumes! I might be a little biased.....

Pilots in training

An old friend from high school is an avaition mechanic for Westjet in Calgary. We were lucky enough to be given a private tour of the hangar and a plane that was in for servicing! I'm not sure who was more fascinated - me or the boys! Levi thought all the buttons in the cockpit were incredible (he pushed just about every one!) and Luca was pretty amazed with the arial lift that hoisted the mechanics up to the tail of the plane. Haha He also thought that the tvs in the head rests were pretty neat too but "kinda small" (his words!).

The latest in the lives of The Grahams

*October 3, 2009

Jessica and Brock's gorgeous, intimate wedding ceremony in Canmore, Alberta. It was a fantastic weekend and we had a great time celbrating with Brock and Jessica!





*October 11, 2009

Chris' brother and sister in law, Shawn and Carrie, hosted Thanksgiving dinner at their house in Edmonton. The meal was absolutely delightful! Carrie had put so much work into making a wonderful meal, that was obvious! We all had a great time and it was nice to all be at Shawn and Carrie's house- some of us for the first time!

I forgot my camera so don't have any pictures of the day. :(

*October:

*I am back to work after surgery. I'm averaging about a day adn a half per week of subbing. I'd like 2 or even 3 days for the paycheque but am ok with working less. Dee has been watching the boys when I am at work and they just love it there, as I knew they would.

*Post-surgery I am feeling pretty good. I was surprised at how quickly I felt back to normal (about day 6 I was feeling more or less fine). I did have about a week right around Thanksgiving where I was getting a lot of stomach pain again. Maybe the foods I was eating then? Not sure. I was hoping to talk to my surgeon at my appointment on the 19th of October, but it was postponed until November 9th for some unknown reason. So, hopefully I will be feeling well until then otherwise it could be a long couple of weeks! At least I still have my pain meds!

*Because of surgery I was unable to join the current session of bootcamp. I was quite disappointed. A few weeks ago, the instructor (a friend of mine) came to me and asked if I would tutor her son in reading in exchange for personal training at home. I jumped at the chance! Today was my first session and it is obvious by the already sore muscles that I took too much time off, but I am really excited to have a program tailored to me that I can do at home, on my own time! I'm hoping to get 3 workouts a week in and then in 6 weeks or so she will change my program for me to keep me on my toes!

*In the summer, I was asked if I'd be interested in joining the Crossfield Library Board. I was happy to join and I attended my first meeting last week. There are about 8 of us on the board (I think) and I'm really excited to be involved in something else in the community. My job as a board member will be to oversee the children's programming and services that the library offers, such as Storytime, which we attended every Wednesday last year and loved, as well as the summer reading programs for kids and Spring Break programs. I'm really excited about this new venture!

*I have been quite busy with MOPS and am really enjoying that as well. My job as TLC coordinator is to get new moms a baby gift and meals (donated from our members) as well as struggling moms meals and/or financial assistance if needed. So far this year we have been busy with delivering phone books to the town of Crossfield (our largest fundraiser), a Big Cook to have meals in the freezer for when they are needed, our bake sale (another big fundraiser) at the Crossfield Christmas Farmer's Market on November 1st as well as our usual Thursday meetings. Tomorrow is 'Crocktober' and we take our crockpots to MOPS and come home with a meal to simmer all day and serve at suppertime! YUM! Last year was the first year we did this and it was a smashing success - it runs alongside our Spring Spa Day as the most favorite meeting. And thanks to fundraising and the wonderful, generous owner of our town grocery store, we are able to provide 60 families with meals tomorrow!

*The boys have been keeping us very busy lately. Levi is a mover and a shaker. He climbs EVERYTHING and stands on top of whatever he can get his feet on, whether stationary or not! One day I caught him scaling our bookcase, Spiderman style! I see some hospital visits in our future- that boy shows no fear!

I was tired of battling with Luca to use the potty. It became so exhausting every day, so we have stepped back from it to give both of us a break. I have put him back into pull ups and am not giving him the attention of being disappointed in him for going in his pants. I am hoping that soon he will just decide to poop on the potty on his own. He is capable of doing it and capable of holding it, so it was simply a battle of wills between us. I am going to leave it until about the middle of November and then we will try again after we have both had time to regroup and distance ourselves from the daily battle.

*Besides MOPS and library board, subbing and tutoring, I have been busy working on Christmas gifts. Last year my goal was to give homemade gifts where possible. I did pretty good last year and am aiming to do better this year! I have most of my gifts planned out, its just a matter of finding time to get them all done! I really enjoy receiving homemade gifts, I think that they mean that much more and are so personal.

That's the past month for us in a nutshell!

In Loving Memory

On September 29th, we lost an amazing woman. Chris' maternal grandmother, or Nona, as we all called her passed away after a quick but difficult battle with cancer at the age of 87. She was loved by many and will be so dearly missed.

On this Thanksgiving weekend, I am choosing not to dwell on the sadness that her death has caused, but instead to be thankful for these things:

-In the final months of her life, she was surrounded by family and love

-We were able to see her a number of times while she was in the hospital. While at times hard, it gave Chris and I peace to know that we were able to say goodbye.

-When she took her final breath she was with her daughter and son in law, not alone.

-I am thankful that I was able to know her and laugh with her for the past 10 years. She was a hilarious woman (not always intentionally) and I always knew that when visiting her there would be laughter.

A wonderful woman, no longer on Earth, but rejoycing in Heaven. We love you, Nona.

No Mom Alone

One of the themes for MOPS this year is "No Mom Alone". That may mean different things to different people, and that's ok. I was asked to write my story of being a mom alone for our newsletter this week. I'd like to share it with you, my friends and family.

Here is my story as it was published in the newsletter:

NO MOM ALONE
By Janice Graham

I had very mixed feelings when my husband came to me with news about a possible job transfer to Calgary in March of 2007. Firstly, I was excited about the prospect of my husband who for the past few years had been working away from home most of the month for the past few years, being home every evening for dinner and nights of sharing the same bed. But there was also fear, sadness and disappointment.

We had recently bought our first home in Ponoka and had been working to fix it up and make it our own. Both of us being from Ponoka, we were within a few minutes drive of each of our families and had old friends nearby. I had my support team all mapped out. I was active in a parent’s group, and had been teaching in town for a few years. My roots were in Ponoka and I was quickly and firmly spreading those roots to take hold. When your partner works away, you rely on your support team to help you be a parent, and quickly become close to those you lean on.

I had visions of my father-in-law coaching my son Luca’s soccer team, as he was doing for my niece at that time. I saw Luca in the loving arms of my sister in-law, playing with his cousins when I returned to teaching. I was enjoying weekly dinners with my parents and my in laws, and loved that they were able to watch Luca grow up.

But, all that was pulled out from under me when the prospect of a new job came up. After many teary conversations weighing the pros and cons, it was decided that my husband would accept the job. We were moving to a place where I knew only one person and had to start all over again. I was terrified. I felt so alone.

Within a few weeks of moving to Crossfield, I was offered a job teaching full time in Airdrie. While great for our bank account, this was not good for me as a mother and was definitely not the best way to begin to seek out connections in my new town.

As the months went on, I began to feel more and more alone. I was not loving the new job, was missing days with Luca and was harbouring the mommy guilt that comes with having someone else tend your child for the majority of his waking hours. Plus, I found myself exhausted and sick with a new pregnancy.

When I was put on medical leave at 30 weeks into my pregnancy, I was excited at the prospect of spending time with Luca before the baby arrived and getting out into the community to meet other moms. Unfortunately, this time also coincided with the spring shut down of the programs meant for moms and their children.

With a new baby and a not quite two-year-old, I found myself very alone every day. I would see groups of mothers out and about with their children, laughing and looking like they had it all, but was too shy to try to join in. By the end of summer, I was feeling very isolated and was battling full-blown postpartum depression.

Levi was a needier, fussier baby than Luca was, and I was used to having family and friends around whenever I needed a bit of help or a break. This experience was vastly different. I found myself spending days alone in my house, resenting the move we made and my children more and more every day. I was angry and jealous of my husband, who got to leave every day, who got an hour of uninterrupted silence during his commute, and who got to eat real food for lunch in restaurants with other adults! I grew more and more impatient with my children and the longing for something else festered, becoming a monster inside me.

I would go grocery shopping in the evenings alone so I could get away. I would take my time, making an hour task stretch into two or sometimes even three hours. I began going to movie theatres alone on Saturdays just to get away and forget that I was Mommy for a while. I distinctly remember on more than one occasion, when coming back from Calgary or Airdrie, as I took the exit ramp towards Crossfield thinking that I could just keep going straight down the QEII, keep driving toward that vision of sleep, shopping, visiting, anything that I could do without kids and anything that resembled the life I left behind, an hour and a half to the North.

I felt that every day my two-year-old was defying me out of spite and that my baby was on a mission to make my life as awful as possible. I was convinced that no one could handle two children because mine, at least were the worst, or so I thought. I thought this would never end.

One evening when venting about my day, my husband kindly and softly asked if I thought that there could be something more going on than just being the tired mom of two. Taking great offence, I responded emphatically that it was not that there was anything wrong with ME, but that I had a toddler that would not listen and a baby that would not shut up. It couldn’t be me. I was doing my best. It was the other parts of my life letting ME down. I thought.

Finally, one afternoon in late August, I called my husband at work and told him through tears and sobs that he needed to come home or I was going to lose it. I had been crying for hours at this point and wasn’t even able to get off the sofa to do anything more than the necessities like changing a diaper or giving my kids something to eat. I had finally admitted to myself that I was not coping with the changes that had taken place in my life. I loved my kids, I did, but I didn’t like them and that broke my heart.


When I visited my doctor (who has known me and my family for years and is acutely aware of the familial susceptibility to depression) she so gently confirmed what deep down I had known to be true; I had postpartum depression.

Going through the list of symptoms, I realized that PPD was affecting more than my ability to be a patient, engaged mother. Normally an avid reader, I was unable to focus to read more than a page or two and even then rarely remembered what I had just read. I was withdrawing from my family, who I normally spoke to at least once a week, sometimes daily. I was now avoiding their phone calls and requests for visits. I had absolutely no interest in being intimate with my husband, preferring to sleep instead. But, let’s be honest, what new mom doesn’t want to choose sleep? I thought this was normal. I was experiencing intense anxiety attacks over minor things, to the point of being afraid to leave my house some days for fear of getting caught in a storm, for example. Things that used to bring me joy were no longer appealing to me. I was unhappy, I was not myself. My doctor prescribed antidepressants with the warning that it would take a few weeks, possibly a month to begin to feel better.

The light peeking through the darkness came a few long weeks after I had seen my doctor. A few things came together at just the right time. I joined MOPS with my best friend of almost 10 years, who had just moved Crossfield. Not only did I have my best friend just down the street, but I was hoping that MOPS would not only give me a much needed break for a few hours every few weeks. And that maybe, just maybe, I would begin to make friends and feel like I belonged.

I began to count down the days until the next MOPS meeting. Slowly, I was building friendships with others in town. Once in a while I had a coffee date with another mom.

I had almost forgotten what it was like to have friends nearby and to be able to talk to other moms going through similar phases with their children.

When the opportunity to join the MOPS Steering Team came up, I jumped at the chance to be even more involved and to hopefully foster deeper relationships with those that I had begun to know.

The year after I moved to Crossfield was one of the worst for me emotionally and psychologically. I don’t think I realized the importance of having relationships with other moms, other women, sisters in this walk of life that we call motherhood.

I can safely say that it was MOPS that helped pull me out of my depression when I was the mom that was alone.

Not only is MOPS a great place to get a break from your kids, but it is a fantastic place to create and build friendships that I hope will last a lifetime. I have been so blessed to feel like a part of a community and to feel the loving arms of the members of MOPS.

It is my wish that every mom who might feel alone or just need friendship and a place to talk will find that in MOPS. Being with other mothers has helped to make me a better mother and has taught me that I still need to take time to be the woman that I am outside of being Mommy. I am now regularly enjoying time out to do my own thing such a scrapbooking, shopping, visiting, exercise - and I’m not wanting to keep driving when I am on my way home. Now, I am recharged and refreshed when I come home and ready to spend another day with my children, whom I love very much.

MOPS changed the path my life was taking and for that I will be forever grateful.



P.S. Thanks to Tom, my wonderful brother in law and an amazing writer for helping me to edit this. You're the best, Tom! :)